So It's Been Awhile
It was May when I started this post and I was sitting on my bed in baggy green sweat pants and a blue Star Wars shirt. My hair was the shadow of a flat twist out and in desperate need of a wash and trim (washed it, but still need a trim BADLY). With a glass of red in one hand, I was pausing. Many pieces in my life have been moving swiftly and I often feel like I need to catch my breath. In the last two months, I have found myself close tears, as I feel I can’t really get a handle on things. There’s that gnawing sense of there’s a lot to do and no time to do it.
It has been TWO months since I’ve posted in this space. I honestly hate that it’s been so long. I cringe looking at the date of my last post. If there’s one thing that I want to avoid is inconsistency here. When I jumped back into the blogging world, consistency was a promise I made to myself and to you. So, I apologize for the distance.
Now, there hasn’t been anything new in this space, not because I feel “uninspired” or have nothing to say, but I stopped making space for it. When April started, I knew it was going to be a bit crazy. I was mentally prepared for the whirlwind that was coming, because there were some big work things going on. Even in my awareness, it never stops to shock me how easy it is to get sucked into the busyness of life.
Don’t get me wrong. April was a dream of a month and I can’t wait to share with you all the feels on that. But, just as it was dreamy, it was also busy, and I found myself falling into that pattern---that space of just existing but not living. I cried many tears of tiredness and frustration. I hate feeling rushed. I hate feeling overwhelmed. I hate watching my days go by me and not being fully present for them. It honestly snowballed after April and May carried on in the same way.
So, as I write this post, I’m setting the intention to pause and catch my breath. May is done and June is here. As I look at my dreams/goals for the year, it is easy for me to lament the last few months. It is easy for me to spiral into shame over all the things I said I’d do but haven’t done. How I haven’t been to the gym consistently enough or how I’ve eaten way more junk food than I should. It is easy to point out all the flaws, all the poor decisions, and where I fell short these last two months.
But, I’m stopping that right now. The morning I started this post, I made the conscious effort to be. I took a few minutes this morning to sit in a coffee shop near my job. I pulled out my journal and wrote down a few thoughts. I felt myself feeling the weight of all the things that need doing, and felt God tell me to stop. To close my eyes, take deep breathes and drink my coffee. I did that. For just a few minutes, I let myself be. I didn’t scramble to jot down a list. I didn’t check my phone. I sat, I breathed, I sipped. It felt good to do that. To take a moment. I need more moments like that.
Because, yes, the last month was crazy and I feel far behind on a lot of things, but goodness, there’s so much to celebrate. There is so much joy, hope and peace. There is so much to look forward to and so much to bask in.
So, I’m pausing. I’m pausing because I don’t want to miss what’s in front of me. I don’t want to miss the season I am in. I don’t want to wallow in all the things I didn’t do, and I don’t want to get so comfortable that I don’t make changes. So, here’s to owning where I’ve falling short, but also making changes to do better.
I encourage you to do the same. If the last few months have felt like a blur, take a moment to breathe deep and pause. Know that June marks the beginning of a new season. The next six months are a blank canvas for you to create whatever vision you have. If it’s going back to the drawing board and dreaming anew or if it’s picking up where you left off, DO IT. It’s not too late. You haven’t royally screwed up that things can’t shift. You are capable of making this year be one for the books.
Now, with May over and June in full swing, I figured I should update you on a few things like:
TWL Read and Review Journal
If you’ve been following along, I shared in this post about my love for literature and inviting you on the journey. The reading goal is still alive and well, but I’ve made some final changes to the list. I’m currently reading the following titles:
Where the Line Bleeds – Jesmyn Ward
The Thing Around Your Neck – Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Love & Respect – Dr. Emerson Ereggichs
Becoming - Michelle Obama (starting tonight)
How We Love (Part 1) - Milan and Kay Yerkovich
The Power of Habit - Charles Duhigg
I hope to finish these by the end of June/mid-July and share my thoughts and feels with you! If reading more is a goal for you, I invite you can join the fun here. You can also check out my last review.
It is safe to say, April and May really showed me out and I did not make room to really dive into these questions. But one of my intentions for the next 30 days is to get into these questions, because I desire to live life fully and not let the cycle of busyness become the norm.
Now enough about me, how are YOU? Comment below all the things!