The First 90 Days
Today marks the end of the first 90 days of 2019. Outside rain falls steadily. The melodic chirps of birds fill the air. Spring is FULLY here and the last month has felt like a swirl.
In many ways, this space got neglected. I own that. I popped in around the beginning of the month sharing the first review for TWL’s Read and Review Journal, but after that, nada. I had every intention of posting more. I had a plan, but I’ll be honest, life swirled up in ways I didn’t expect.
It happens. This isn’t a shame post. Work becomes busy. And the hours outside of work are filled up with commitments and plans. Before you know it, a new season has begun, and the second quarter of the year is before you.
Don’t get me wrong, this last month has been good. It has been life lived. It has been full of work projects, working out, and quality time. There hasn’t been a ton of creative expression, but, in the last week or so, I set some goals to make room for it. But all in all, I can’t complain. It’s been quiet here, but not out of boredom or disinterest. Life really did just take over.
And, I noticed it. I could feel it. I still found space for my routines, but even they felt different. Like I was just doing it to do it, but not really stepping into the invitation they offered. There is a rest my body and soul needs---like an intentional hard stop and pause. Ideally, this would take place on somebody’s beach in the heated throes of summer. But, I also know I can’t hold out for that. I’m challenged to ask myself, “what will I do now? Where will I make space for a hard stop---to pause in this moment?” I mean, that’s the whole point of a living present, right?
So, I woke up early this morning while the house was still quiet and dark. I got ready for the day and made myself a pour over. As I was making it I could hear the birds waking up outside and the sky brightening. I HAD to get out there for a moment. With coffee in hand, I stepped out onto my deck and listened to the morning song. I inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. I paused in that moment and it was nice. I felt the balmy spring air. I took in the deep earthy scent and lingered. I watched the sky fill with color as the sun slowly rose. I let myself be there. It wasn’t long, but it was needed.
I want more of that. With April beginning tomorrow, I’m setting intentions. Intentions for this space as well as my day to day. I want more moments where I pause in the time before me. The hours and minutes I get that aren’t already taken, I want to be in them---present with each second. Easier said than done, but I will fight for this.
I will fight for a life lived present. I will fight for time well spent. I will fight for finding rest in the mundane and in the busy. I will fight for being grounded. I will fight for the beauty and power of routines.
In a way, this is my declaration. Cheers to the first 90 days of the year. You were filled with transition and unearthing. You were revealing yet steady. You were life lived even though it was all consuming and not how I pictured. All in all, you were good.
I look forward to making the most of the next 90 days.
Leaning. Pausing. Trusting.